Embracing the Empty Nest: Preparing for the next chapter of life

By Philippa Dobrée-Carey, Founder, From High School to Uni Ltd

For many parents, the moment their children leave home can be both heartbreaking and liberating. Empty nest syndrome describes the feelings of sadness and loss that parents experience when their children move out, and the adjustments that parents have to make following this significant change in their daily lives and routines.

For me, the biggest shock was the abrupt end of the school run and then a sudden hit to our social life. You don’t realise how much your life revolves around school until it suddenly ends at graduation. No more parents’ evenings, theatre productions, basketball matches, cleaning sports kits or bake sales. In our international school environment, families pack up and move away for the summer, heading home or on to their next job. Suddenly, your friendship circle has evaporated too!

Parents may struggle to find their identity again without their children around. This change can feel overwhelming, but it is an opportunity to (re)discover personal interests and passions. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that this is a common experience.

Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty nest syndrome can trigger a range of emotional responses, including sadness, depression, or emptiness, as well as relief. Many parents experience anxiety about their future role and feel stressed about adapting to change.

Loneliness is common for parents who suddenly find themselves without daily interaction with their children. Some parents experience irritability and anger when their children don’t check in daily, while others feel guilty about feeling relieved.

Physical symptoms, such as sleep disturbance and changes in appetite or weight, can also occur. Combine this with menopause, which often happens around the same time, and you’ve got fluctuating hormones to deal with too!

Parents should seek support and try to think about how they can redefine their role to make this transition easier. You are not alone, and each family copes differently.

Cultural Perspectives

In some cultures, family ties are strong, and it is more common for children to stay at home (or return home) for longer, although a key reason nowadays is the economic and social benefits for young adults. This is one way of easing the empty nest transition for parents!

Life Transitions and Relationships

The empty nest transition brings significant changes that can affect both marital dynamics and your parent-child relationships. This stage can involve feelings of loss, both emotional and in terms of daily habits, as well as the need to manage new routines.

Couples who have focused on their children for years may find that the structure of their relationship has changed and may need to rediscover themselves and reconnect outside of their roles as parents. Sharing activities and hobbies can ease the transition and strengthen their bond.

Effective and open communication is essential during this transition. Talking about feelings helps to manage expectations and can prevent conflict. Joining support groups or seeking counselling can help you cope during this period of adjustment.

Parent-Child Relationships

The empty nest period also impacts the parent-child relationship. Your child is likely to feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness about their newfound independence, and it is your role as a parent to channel that energy and manage the emotions.

Your child’s newfound independence may come with growing pains. By the end of the first term away from home, your child may become more assertive, challenging your role as an authority figure. Keep an open mind and develop your communication skills with regular contact via video calls, texts or phone calls to bridge the physical distance. Regular communications will help bridge the massive leap between being a dependent child and the adult they’ve become.

Remember, your role is also evolving. You’re moving from primary caregiver to trusted advisor. This isn’t a loss of connection, but an opportunity to strengthen your bond in a new way. Your child can gain independence while still knowing you’re there for support. Embrace this change and it can foster a deeper, more mature relationship.

Finally, maintain those special family traditions. When your child comes home to visit, it will make the adjustment easier for everyone. They may have gone vegan or stopped liking their favourite cereal, but the family traditions they love become anchors, reminding them of the strong bond that still exists, even as the family dynamic changes.

Navigating Newfound Freedom

Empty nest syndrome is not all negative. It can be a great opportunity for parents to focus on their own personal growth by developing new interests and pursuing travel and leisure activities. Without daily school pick-up or tennis lessons to schedule, use this freed-up time to take up an activity for yourself.

Developing Personal Interests

With more free time, parents can explore activities and hobbies they may not have previously had time for before. This is a great time to rediscover old passions or try something new that gives a sense of purpose and satisfaction. Art or Pottery classes, for example, can unleash hidden creativity. Joining a book club can stimulate the mind and create new social connections. Gardening provides both physical activity and a sense of accomplishment.

Engaging in these interests not only helps to fill the void, but they can be a form of self-care and stress relief.

Pursuing Travel and Sports

Travel is another great way to enjoy the freedom that comes with an empty nest.

Consider planning trips to destinations you’ve always dreamed of or try something different like glamping or renting a barge. Even local day trips can give you a sense of adventure and discovery. Travel can be a refreshing change of pace.

Take up new leisure activities, such as hiking, cycling, Pilates or yoga retreats, which offer relaxation and physical benefits.

By indulging in new activities, you can enjoy your newfound freedom, explore new experiences, meet new people, and fill the void in your daily routine.